I recently read Trauma Stewardship - An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others by Lipsky and Burk. It wasn't an easy read and is not a particularly well written book, but it did shine a light on challenges of staying healthy in the midst the heartbreak that is so prevalent here.
It’s not that any one scenario has been overly traumatic, but there is a steady dose of suffering, death and frustrating experiences in this type of work. The most beneficial section of the book was the list of “trauma exposure” responses, as I recognized some of my own tendencies in the list. Here are the ten that resonated the most with me including my personal examples and each with a supporting comic illustration from the book.
1) Feeling helpless and hopeless - thinking that what you are doing doesn't really matter in the end (systematically).
2) A sense that one can never do enough - but that you must still try to do enough.
3) Hyper-vigilance - double checking and micromanaging.
4) Inability to embrace complexity - preferring the simplistic explanations in my mind like "they just don't care" over "there is probably a cultural explanation for their lack of urgency."
5) Minimizing - My wife and kids can out me on this one whenever I ignore their complaints and explain they "don't know how bad some people have it."
6) Chronic Exhaustion - I am trying to give myself space on this, learning from a senior surgeon that you just don't have the same stamina in this climate (I take 12 minute power naps after lunch almost every day).
7) Inability to Listen / Deliberate Avoidance - I am prone to this when facing patients who I can't offer a quick solution to and prefer to have someone else deal with them or make the interaction as short as possible.
8) Sense of persecution - thinking that my credentials back home carry little weight here, I just have to "fit into the system" and I don't get respected if I can't communicate well.
9) Anger and Cynicism - I really try to avoid this but I suspect this tendency is proportional to time spent here. New people come in and see the beauty and the hope. The long-term teammates buried their founding colleague out by the soccer field....life is hard... there is opposition around every corner.
10) Grandiosity: An Inflated Sense of Importance Related to One’s Work - I want to take credit for good outcomes but not bad ones.